Sexual abuse is a crime that can change the way a person feels about themselves and the world in which they live. If you suspect that a loved one has been sexually abused, or if they tell you that they have been, what should you do? How do you get them the help they need without transgressing their boundaries? And how do you process the information yourself?
At The Soho Center for Mental Health Counseling, our expert counselors know that the ramifications of sexual abuse reach well beyond the one who’s suffered the abuse. It can affect and disorient everyone in their orbit, especially if the perpetrator is known to you.
We offer individual therapy to helped your loved one recover from sexual abuse at our offices in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, New York City or via HIPAA-compliant teletherapy.
How can you support your loved one who’s been sexually abused? The following is a brief guide.
If someone you love tells you that they were sexually abused as a child, or if they’ve recently been assaulted or raped, the first step is just to listen without judgment. Let them tell you their story with as much, or as little, detail they need to share.
If you only suspect that they’ve been abused, you can prepare yourself ahead of time for this moment. Make sure you’re ready to give them the attention and care they need.
Once they’ve finished sharing as much as they’re willing, thank them for trusting you. Focus on their feelings, rather than your own. You may feel outrage, anger, or disgust: You can deal with those feelings later. Right now, your attention should be on your loved one by using phrases such as:
Resist the urge to ask whether it “really” happened. Your role is not to determine the truth or to “fix” the problem.
Telling someone about sexual abuse is a major step forward in their journey toward healing. That may be the only step they’re ready to take right now. Ask them what you can do to help them.
If they’re willing, encourage them to report the crime if it was recent. If the sexual abuse occurred in their past or in their childhood, let them know that you will help them get the care they need when they’re ready.
You can steer them toward organizations that help victims of sexual abuse, such as the (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN). Over the past 29 years, RAINN has helped 4.3 million survivors and their loved ones process and heal from sexual abuse.
Whatever choice your loved one makes about support and counseling, assure them that you’re with them every step of the way. You may also demonstrate your continued support by:
You may also consider counseling for yourself, with or without your loved one. Confronting your loved one’s abuse may strain your relationship or raise issues from your own past.
If you’re a parent, neighbor, teacher, or other adult in a child’s life, changes in their behavior may alert you to the possibility that they’ve been sexually abused. It’s more common than you might think: The Centers for Disease control estimate that one in four girls and one in 20 boys in the United States is a victim of sexual abuse.
When your child is the victim, be sure to pick a time and place to talk about the possible abuse when you’re alone. Instead of asking if someone was “hurting” them, ask if anyone has “touched” them. Even in an abusive situation, touching may feel good to the child.
Stay calm, keep your tone reassuring, and listen carefully. Approximately 90% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child knows.
Reaching out to law enforcement can be difficult if the perpetrator is close to you. The ChildHelp Hotline can walk you through the intimidating process of reporting the crime and getting your child the help and protection they deserve. If you aren’t a family member, you can report your suspicions to your local Child Protective Services.
Is someone you love a victim of sexual abuse? Find out how you can help them heal and get help yourself, if needed, by contacting our caring and sensitive team by phone or using our online form today.
